Counseling and therapy are great. I would definitely not be here had it not been for all the years of counseling I went through. However, there is a time to shed the identity I discovered through it. Facing the truth of who I was then was beneficial to my growth and healing, but we aren’t meant to stay there.
Over the years I set up some much needed boundaries as I was healing, however, there’s a time we are to let some of them down...when you’ve become whole and strong.
I’ve discovered just recently that the identity and boundaries I needed during that season of my life are now keeping me from helping others and keeping people at a distance.
For example, during that season of healing and growth I quit visiting people in the hospital because it triggered the trauma of watching my mom suffer and die from cancer. I also have been running from anyone who might “need” me too much because of my moms co-dependency and need for me to save her from her debilitating depression and anxiety as a child and young adult.
The identity I had when I was broken and healing was that I was emotionally weak, I was an orphaned child, I was broken and fearful. However, through this study I’ve been going through called “Free of Me”, along with the need for me to care for an elderly loved one who needs me to be strong and clear-headed, while they struggle through Dementia-like symptoms, I’ve had to wrestle with all of this.
When she needs me the most, I would begin to panic because I would “think” I can’t handle it. This perceived “crisis”, that I can’t run away from, has been debilitating me for months. That was until I was invited by a friend to a ladies Bible Study (my fav Beth Moore ❤️). I almost didn’t go but something inside kept pushing me, so I relented and went. As always, God’s timing and message were perfect. The study was about Joshua and how we are to handle battles. Through that, I was reminded that I am a strong warrior by the power of Gods very own Spirit living inside of me. He gives me the strength and peace I need to endure anything as long as I surrender and trust that He is in control! I knew this and I have been teaching this to women for a long time. However, I neglected to allow this to change my own identity. To begin seeing myself for who I really am...a strong woman of God who is equipped to handle even the fiercest of battles! I am no longer that scared little girl! I am no longer that co-dependent broken young woman. I am a warrior for The Lord and I will not be swallowed up by the needs of others. ““Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1-2
I am whole because I now have God’s Holy Spirit within me. I have all the resources I need to serve and help those in need.
Because of this new revelation, I am now able to approach the situation with peace and strength. I am able to remain joyful and offer her my peace, joy and strength! I am able to sit with her peacefully and pray with her instead of running and hiding. No, it’s not going to be easy, by all means, but that’s okay because I now know who I am and whose I am.
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
“Now may the God of peace— who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, - may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.” Hebrews 13:20-21