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  • Writer's pictureBonnie Smith

Warrior or Wife?

I’m not sure if I’m alone, but it’s more of a struggle than I thought it would be to strive to be a Christian woman in today’s world. I feel more like a warrior than a loving and tender wife a lot of the time. For me, having grown up with women all around me who had been molded by the “women’s liberation movement” and was somewhat encouraged directly and indirectly to be independent, opinionated and stubborn has caused a war within myself (and in my marriage). However, I can’t blame it all on society and my upbringing, cause I was or still am a “strong willed child” 😉 The war within myself really got into full swing when I got married because I went into marriage with all the knowledge and strong belief that I am to submit to my husband, let him lead and treat him with respect…no matter what. I strongly believe this is so very necessary for a strong, healthy and loving marriage…just as God had designed it to be. However, my role as a Godly woman worked in theory all the many years I was single, not realizing that at the core of who I was and what I had learned about men from other women, did not line up with that belief. I discovered that I didn’t respect men at all and that not an ounce of me was willing to submit to anyone! I had learned most of my life that I wasn’t to cater to a man, not to rely on a man or anyone else for that matter. So you can imagine what took place when I got married at 42 and we discovered that this “strong willed brat” was still hiding down in there, all these years!! Well, I did the only thing I know to do when I run into trouble and that is to read…read and read some more on the subject. It was so freeing to find that I was not alone in this battle! Many women struggle with this, letting go and trusting our husband to lead, especially when you’ve been “in control” for so long! However, what I learned was that when we, as women, obey God by submitting to our husbands what we are truly doing is submitting to God and trusting God to care for us and to deal with our husbands if they aren’t where they need to be. I heard two things in particular that helped me. The first one was a prayer that I heard at a ladies Bible Study, in which I try to pray often…”Dear Lord, mold me into a woman of great tenderness and quiet strength!” Submitting and being meek doesn’t mean you have to be weak and passive, it is just more of a quiet strength, a respectful way of communicating your ideas or concerns to your husband, or anyone of authority for that matter. Praying and trusting in God more and controlling less! Ok the next one is more on the humorous side that I’ve heard numerous times but not too sure who first said it…”Submitting to your husbands means that you duck so that you won’t get hit when God swings to knock some sense into him!”. Ooops…sorry, I couldn’t resist sharing that ;) It’s actually Biblical in a way, our husbands are responsible for us and they are to answer to God for how they lead us. If they aren’t leading in a way that would be honoring to God then we as wives need to go to God on that matter and pray about it. Tell God what you’re struggling with and how your feeling, maybe your husband isn’t leading Spiritually in a way that helps you to earnestly trust him or doesn’t leave you feeling secure…talk to God about it. Be patient, persistent and prayerful as you wait on God to bring about change. And in the meantime focus on yourself and on ways to begin learning how to be respectful and kind to your husband “at all times”, even when you don’t feel like it. If you begin to do this you will be amazed at how just that alone can bring about a positive change in your husband. Ok, since I am really no expert at all on this subject and am on this new journey with you, I’ll leave you with this book recommendation, called “”Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior” by Kimberly Wagner. Very good book for the modern independent woman struggling to be a Godly woman. You can find out more about this book, by going to my "Resources" page.

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