God Equips...

Good morning friends :) This post is a little different than usual, as I wanted to ask for prayers and share a story. Prayers that God will equip me, give me courage and confidence...in His abilities, not my own. Let me start by sharing something, the first piece of a particular puzzle that God has been working on in my life over the past 15 years. As most of you know, in 2000, I lost my mom to cancer and my 10 year marriage failed. I felt completely alone and lost in life, and instead of turning to God, I turned to finding comfort in alcohol and in searching for love to fill the hole left in my heart. Luckily, God never left me, nor did He ever forsake me. His whispers were a constant, in the middle of my chaos, quietly guiding me back to Himself. Finally, my heart begin to soften and heal, until one day, someone invited me to a women's Bible Study. I said yes, without any hesitation. It was as if God was speaking through me. When I walked into the church, thinking I was meeting with a handful of church ladies, I instead walked into a sanctuary full of women! All types of women, from all races, ethnicity and religions...thousands of them! We sung beautiful songs that reached down into the depths of my emptiness and began to fill the voids with joy and peace. After the singing, a woman I'd never heard of at the time, Beth Moore, walked out onto the stage and shared scripture like I'd never heard it before. She was in-love with God and His Word! She had so much joy it was contagious! I thought it odd at first to be "in-love" with a God you couldn't see, but it was then that a fire began in my soul. I wanted to fall in-love with God and His Word, just as she did! I wanted to be filled inside with His love and peace in a way that spilled out into others lives! I went out and bought a new kind of Bible. I had no idea there was something other than a King James Version...one I could actually understand! The words came to life in a way they never had before! From that point on, I was at church every time they had something where I could learn more! Well, after about the 3rd Beth Moore Bible class I attended, I was sitting there listening to her teach Gods Words so clearly and I heard, not audibly but in a whisper on my heart, "I want you to do that someday." I instantly shook my head and thought "There's no way I could get up and teach in front of anyone, especially multiple anyone's." However, I instantly felt a strange peace and realization that God would prepare me and when the day came I wouldn't be so scared. So, I tucked that back into my heart and trusted God to guide me in His will for my life and not to fret or resist it. Well, as I look back over the past 14 years I can see all the ways He has been guiding me, transforming me, preparing me and equipping me to do His Will. So, to get back to the point of the need for prayers, a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a friend who said she recommended me to speak at a ladies event with close to two hundred women. Even though it scared me and I didn't feel equipped, I said yes, because I knew this had to be Gods doing. She's never heard me teach and I'd really never spoken in public before. Sure, I'd been teaching the teen girls at my church, spoke at a few small ladies events at my church as well, but there was never more than 10 ladies. Except for a short Devotional teaching I did once with only about 30 ladies. Well, a week after that call, the lady at her church called me and asked if I would be the key note speaker AND they planned to pay me. I thought "What? Why? How? You don't even know me?" And I felt God speak to my heart again, "No, but I know you!" I sat on the phone in awe of God, as she told me about the event and the theme. I regained my composure and told her "I would love to!". After I hung up, I was stunned! There had to be some mistake! Then, I instantly remembered what God had told me over 14 years ago, that this was His plan for me. I cannot even begin to put into words how amazed and humbled I am! All of this was God, because there was nothing I did to earn the honor to teach these ladies. However, I still doubt my abilities and the enemy is relentless in his pursuit to paralyze me with fear. Which leads me to why I am reaching out to my friends, to ask for your prayers. Prayers that I allow God to help me prepare the lesson He wants me to share and that God would give me the courage to stand up in front of hundreds of women, and for me to allow Him, to speak through me. I am so excited about the opportunity for God to use me to teach His Word, but I am nervous. So your prayers will be treasured! :D